Talk to me.

Yesterday night was probably the best time I had talking with baby. As retarded as it may sound, haha. I didn't wna go, but we were pushing 4am as it was :p He said that he'd call me in the morning when he gets up - He still hasn't gotten up. And Idh the heart to wake him abruptly seeing how I was the one who kept him til the wee hours of the morning. Haha. Things seem to be working out. :) I'm glad that they are.

Even when he picked me up from work. I think it was the first time where we were such idiots when I was at work. Usually we'd be pretty quiet cos the music playing would be booming all around - There isn't any point talking, really. We even recorded some lame ass video. HAHA, you should watch it, REALLY :p

I love you, Fawzan Sabirin, youu :3

Wan tan mee :9

This is the first time we've ever eaten anything Chinese together. HAHA

The one who got away.

So I was eating meatballs at Ikea with the family, I'm all prim and proper and all of the sudden when I try to fork this ONE small meatball to cut in half, it SLIPPED :O and FLEW toward the floor, over my left arm, my cellphone and pass the mineral water bottle! EMBARRASSING MUCH -.- I tried so hard to ignore all the people staring at me for my impromptu stunt :p

Remember to breathe.

Looking back at all the guys that I've loved. The ones that broke me, the ones that lied, the ones that still have a part of my heart. It's hard to believe that I let myself go through that. And now I realize, that it wasn't only their faults, but it was mine too. Maybe I tried too hard, pushed too far, sunk too deep. I need to remember to breathe. It's not that I'm not happy now. Maybe knowing that someone that you wanted to give the world to is now moving on as you are, it stings a little. The vindictive side of me wants them to live miserably, knowing what they missed out when things went wrong with us, forever regretting. I know it's silly, thinking about it, but they could live happy lives, maybe still in regret. I know for a fact that I have none - No regrets. And yes, I said it stings, but I guess I'm happy that they've found someone that makes them happy as how my baby makes me happy. :) No one deserves to be alone - God made an Eve for every Adam. They don't have to say they're sorry, but in the spirit of Raya, I feel as if I should just forgive and let go of the past. It is the PAST. So yeah. :) To everyone who has hurt me, I forgive you. And especially to those that I have hurt, please find it in your hearts to forgive me. I never intended to make you feel that way.

And, baby, if you're reading this, please don't get hurt. That's the last thing that I'd ever intend for you. You know that my heart belongs to you. My head lies next to yours. My hand is holding yours. Please don't get insecure over this silly post. :) I love you, Fawzan.

Be safe.

Dear, baby.

I'm missing you as it is. :( I wish I spent more time with you just now. Not seeing you for a two days is pure torture. It's hard. Please don't get into trouble and be safe while you're at Melaka. I'm serious tau? If anything were to happen to you, Idk what I'd do. :( I love you, baby. HMPH. I hope you know what you mean to me. I expect lots of sayang-ing when you get home!

Always yours,
Ezra.

P.S. Bumbu misses his papa :(

Mini Dinosaurs.

Idk. Been feeling kinda egh. Baby felt egh. I felt egh at the same time. Baby's ok now. I'm ok when I'm with baby. When I'm not, I'm kinda egh. For reals. Idk. And my sinuses are SERIOUSLY getting on my nerves. The whether is all over the place. Hot then cold, then hot again, then cold, and it goes on and on. I keep sneezing my eyeballs out. My nose hurts. Constantly being around smokers isn't helping. Second hand smoking = A higher chance of lung cancer - A higher percentage of second hand smokers die from lung cancer, not the smokers. Idw to die from lung cancer. I try to think of the mini dinosaurs that run across my screen when the page is loading. That kinda makes me happy. Idk why. I think it's cos dinosaurs are supposed to be BIG, but these are so cute and tiny. Hee. Mini Dinos. I sound lame wtf. I miss my baby. I want him here to be here, not for other stuffies. Idk.

Happy Birthday, Baby Sofy :D

Dearest, baby sister. I know sometimes I might give you a hard time, but please know that I love you always. It's so hard for me to see my little munchkin turn 15, cos in all of our eyes, you're still the big headed-oogly-geramgeram baby girl. I want you to do the things that you want to do and NEVER let anybody stop you. Especially when you think you're right. Just don't go against the ones who love you and ALWAYS respect us older ones. You are so beautiful I wish you knew it. Don't let the words of others put you down. I know you might seem tough on the outside, but we all know you're a big mooshy pile of gummies. That's why Yasmin jie jie and I are always very protective over you. If anyone were to hurt you ever, we'd go KUNG FU on their asses. Or their heads - Mental torture! You must understand how to listen sometimes as well. Remember that you are the mei mei. When we tell you things, it may be hurtful, but that is NEVER our intention, feifei. SO. HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY, FEI DI!

I love you.

<3,
Ezra Jie jie.

P.S. Yasmin if you're reading this I love you too! :DD And don't get hurt about me not writing about you. I just didn't have a blog then -.-"

My Monday blues.

Today seemed more tiring. I fell asleep on the floor when baby left :p School was OK. Guess it's just the Monday blues. Did I mention that I'm EXHILARATED that the very first class of tomorrow's day is THE oh so wonderful Miss Anne's. I'm gna have to face crap first thing in the morning. I never really noticed that the friends that I have around me in class are really supportive toward me :p SERIOUSLY. They're a bunch of guys and it's sweet and comforting to know that they'd wake up earlier to be in class with me tomorrow morning instead of Thursday's afternoon one. :D I've gotta keep reminding myself that once I finish the whole day in that pretentious, over priced, unnecessarily dramatic, hell hole of a school, I'd come home to my Family and my baby. :) And Bumbu ofcourse. Hehe. :D

SO this is for my family, my friends, my baby, my Bumbu. Thank you for making my Monday blues a hell of a lot better :)

There was an extra passenger.

"Baby I wna go smoke k?"

"Ok, don't take too long, please. You need to finish your assignment."

15 minutes goes by..

I call.

"Where are you?"

"I'm in the loo. Be back in abit k?"

"OK."

I can see him walking back in. But in total opposite directions of where the loo was. He wasn't coming from the loo. What was he doing over at Mc Donalds?

He came late to pick me up. OK. I'm already spending most of my time alone when HE was the one who asked me to teman him. The pervert staring at me across doesn't help the situation. He sits down next to me and continues doing his work. I'm pissed. He's checking his watch. I hate it when he checks his watch. Makes it seem like he just wants to send me home and leave.

"Baby I have to leave in a minute."

"Ok."

We continue doing our own thing on our laptops.

"Baby Happy Anniversary :D"

"Yeah, Happy 5 month anniversary too."

You can tell I'm upset. We pack our things and head out to the car, passing by Mc Donalds. I'm scanning through the people to see if anyone is looking at him, maybe giving him signals, maybe that's the person he was sneaking off to see. All these possibilities running through my head. I refuse to hold his hand. He's holding mine while I leave my hand limp.

We reach the car and I see a shadow sitting in the backseat directly behind mine. I ignore it. As mama and papa has always said, pretend that you see, hear or smell nothing. He opens the car door behind to put our stuff. The light comes on.

"Looks like there's an extra passenger with us todayy."

He's giving me the BIGGEST grin ever. It's my panda bear!! One as big as a three year old baby. He out the safety belt on it and it's holding a little card. :3 that's why he was rushing off. That's why he took so long outside. He was getting ready my surprise. :D I felt so embarrassed and horrid cos I was treating him so coldly. After 3 months of bugging him for a panda bear, he finally got me one when I least expected it. It was the best present EVAAAA. :D

Celia's prezzie :)

I think after all the drama and the hard times that I've gone through, Celia always has her way to remind me about the brighter days. I love you, babe! <3

Let down.

Idk whether there's something wrong with today, but it's supposed to be my 5 month anniversary with Fawzan. Aren't I supposed to be enjoying the day? I mean, everything seems to not work out. I got up early cos I wanted to get my highlights today. Was actually really excited cos I couldn't get them a few days back cos they were closing. There wasn't enough time again today. Mama had to send dad to the office. OK. I totally forgot that he has another class at 4. He says he's gna get out early, but I have to work at 4.30. He said he's on his way to meet me now, it's better than not seeing me at all. It's already 3. He has to leave by 3.30. I have to work last minute and I can't get off early cos Uncle Gun won't be there for the whole day. I don't think I can get off at all. I planned to watch Gamer with Fawzan. I told him I wanted to watch The Ugly Truth to surprise him. I booked the tickets two days ago. I feel like I can't get mad or upset cos he got me the panda bear that I've been asking for. Idk. This day seems to get suckier by the second. I feel like crying now and falling asleep. Maybe I'm not supposed to celebrate. Maybe 5 months means nothing. It was kinda my fault to begin with. I made it a big deal. I just really don't feel like doing anything anymore. I woke up with a smile and a light heart. Now, I don't think I could even fake a smile and my heart feels as if it fell down to the bottom of my ass. I wanted to write about my stupid panda. Now I'm writing about this. Nice.

Not mine, but what do you think?

Instead of the neck, how about this tattoo on the front of my shoulder? :D




I just like the bird view bit. The bottom one seems abit demented.

What do you think? :D Comments will be appreciated. Hee.

Latte, anyone?

Full term : Caffelatte
Origin of term : Itallian
Contents: Coffee and Milk
Usually served : with ice or hot, caramel added for sweetness, along with breakfast.

I just spent RM11.75 on a cup of coffee and milk with a little caramel syrup -.-" Oh the things people indulge on. But I have to add, it dooes taste nyummy :9 Go starbucks! :DD

My Morning hair, part II

Good Morning to the very few that are reading this. HAHA. I am all ready for school, waiting for Judge, AS USUAL. -.-" I'm so lazy to go to school today. I', already skipping my second class. SHHH! X3 I mean it's only music theory. I can't find my certificates so I can't be exempted :( I mean c'mooon, The last time I took a music theory exam was like when I was 12?? I'm 18 going on 19, man. :D

I've also sat for my "undang" talk thing already. THE most excruciatingly painful ordeal that you will EVER have to face when growing up. Haha. The first two hours were ok, but as it started moving on to the third, then fourth, then fifth, then SIXTH HOUR, I think any normal human being would've lost thei sanity for a brief moment. HAHA. I'm pretty psyched about the whole thing. I mean, I've been so lazy to get it the whole time. I think it's about time. Don't you? :D

So whoever reading this now, which I doubt is aanyone -.-", I hope you have a nice day. Don't let things get to you easy, have a cup of coffee. :D And to anyone who reads this later on, I hope you guys had a good day. If anything, know that I'm only a call away!

<3

We murder.

ERGHHH!

I'm waiting up only for you to ignore me online! I'm clearly merajuk-ing and you expect me to start the video call and the conversation. Wth?? I'm only human. I'm sleepy, I'm tired, I wna talk to YOU, but you don't even know how to pujuk me! >.< GAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Then when I text you all you say is sorry and expect to me all OKAY. I'm CLEARLY NOT OKAY. I WANT YOU TO BLOODY PUJUK ME and if it's so hard then FINE!

Is it too late to apologise?

Baby,
I know that lately you've been having doubts about how I feel toward you. All the bad dreams of me leaving you and etc. I'm so sorry, baby. I never meant for it to escalate to this point. I know that I've been giving you a hard time, and the situation seems to be stuck in its place, but I want you to know that I love you. I love you so so so much you have no idea. I'm not perfect but I try to be the best for you. Sometimes the things I do and the situations I put us in gets to you. I know that it's unbearable to keep looping through the same thing over and over again, but I promise that I've never lied or hidden anything from you. I refuse to. Baby I'm sorry. Please don't feel as if you cannot trust me. How I react to these things is just the way that I am. You can't expect me to pretend that it didn't happen and just move on. I need time. And with time will come obstacles that will rub their asses on your face, but you need to know that after everything and anything, my hands are holding yours. You don't have to listen to what I'm saying now, but atleast see and feel the way I love you.

Put a bullet in my head.

I don't know what's happening now. I have no idea who's real and who's not. Who to trust and who to drop. I can't help myself. It's all rushing back into my brain like some sort of hurricane. It's crying. I'm crying. And it's destroying everything that's in its way. I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? Why is it all coming back now? Why am I letting it come back? I don't know if I can handle this all again. Just put a bullet in my head and get it over with, will you?

Jacket.

He: "Baby you look shexy in that jacket :9"

She: "I know, I got it for free ;p"

He: "Yeah, Levi's? :D"

She: "Yeah. :3"

He: "Can I have it when I see you, pweasee? :3"

She: "No. HAHA. But you can borrow it :D"

He: "HMPH, I'll get MY OWN"

She: "Hey I like my jacket otayy?"

He: "I like it too. We'll wear it at the same time ;)"


I was walking around and I saw a boy. He had that jacket on. I couldn't help but stare. For a brief moment I was standing in the middle of the crowd, totally in a whole world of my own. In that very small amount of time, every memory I had of that jacket flashed in my head as if I were about to die right then and there. It seemed so clear. It was as if time had stopped and rewound itself for that short period. He caught me staring, I continued walking in the opposite direction of where he was heading.

I saw him again. This time he saw me too. Both of us just stopped and stared. Just stared.

I tried calling. It went to voice mail. I didn't mean to make him leave for good. I'm sorry.

My morning hair :D

Haha, I can't believe I'm up online this early -.-" Thought I'd check my mail but ended up signing in here instead. Can't help meself :p I'm waiting for mama to get ready. I REFUSE to take the bus this semester!! Besides, I only have two days of which I have no fixed transport to get to school. This is where the art of persuasion comes in. Hehe.

Specially for baby, if he's reading this todayy:
I love you. I'm sorry I kept you up last night. Heee. Even though we had a little set back, I'm glad we talked til 4.30 in the morning. I miss that. I miss you. Have a good day at school, Muhammad Fawzan bin Sabirin, youu! :3

All my girls out there!

OMGGGG!! Today, I just found out that a person that I've been talking to isn't the REAL person he says he is! It's funny cos there was something wrong somewhere to begin with. And today, when I bumped into the REAL person online, he told me it wasn't him! You have NO idea how bad I freaked. We talked on the phone and I told him what had happened. The weirdest part is that the FAKO knows quiet alot about the REAL guy. And they're both GUYS! Stalker much? And the grossest part is that FAKO is a real perve. EEEE. I'm like, seriously grossed out about this whole thing weihhhh. O.O NO SHIT.

So girls out there, BE CAREFUL. With technology and all, you never know the real truth behind something. Don't be naive! If ANYTHING were to happen to you, you will NEVER be able to REWIND, and we NEVER know who's out there to get us. Just the other day, my boyfirend was telling me that a girl in his school was molested IN THE LIFT by a guy that has been STALKING her! Luckily, he was caught by one of the lecturers who noticed her bawling her eyes out. People now are just after a pair of boobies! ALWAYS trust your instincts. We have no obligation whatsoever to "layan" anyone who we feel uncomfortable with. NOTE THIS! PLEASE be careful, girls!

Can you tell the difference?

MAN, yesterday was one hell of a night. BAWLED my eyeballs out and I still managed to perform. It was my first showcase. :D Nervous as hell. :s It's like, when you walk up on stage, you feel so confident, and just as you turn around and look out to the crowd, everything in me just froze. Haha. The crowd wasn't big, trust me, it wasn't, but you could feel the eyes watching and staring at you. Haha. It was good though. I think that was the only time where I was feeling happy throughout the whole night. Could you tell that I was crying just half an hour before? :p