Half my heart.

I'm doubtful again. After thinking that it was all OK now. IDK anymore. I don't think he wants to go to Melaka with me. Idw to go anymore :(

Hungover and bruised.

JUST got better from me hangover. My parents weren't home over Friday night, and as any normal teenager would, partying would be on my mind. Haha. I haven't drank like that in sooo long, you have noo idea how OUT I was. :pp Suprisingly, I remember everyone's faces AND names. Haha. But the next dayy. OMG, I've never felt so icky in my life before. I woke up with a swolen fist, my hands in general were swolen, hitting GOD knows what. -.- But overall I had a good time :DD You're only a teenager once yow, and next year would be the last year :(

My morning hair, part III

GOOD MORNING, peeps :D Just got home from hopefully having my last driving lesson. I think I feel pretty confident now. Was a wreck last week, it was ridiculous. I cried my eyeballs out when I was otw home. I FAILED my road test, and the 3 FREE marks that I could've gotten were not marked. WHY? - not because I didn't do it, but because the guy testing me was an ASS. :D I'm praying really hard tomorrow's examiner will be nicer atleast. Then that way, I wouldn't be freaking out as much if the speed meter isn't working again - yes, it was friggin broken WTH. The whole damn time I was driving, the arrow stuck at 0. Oh the irony of it all. So fingers crossed for me tomorrow! Another rm270 to get this shit done. And I better get my pass tomorrow or I swear I'd start flippin' balls yows. GRRR angry. Haha. Peace IN :D

With my eyes closed.

Everything feels so much better with my eyes closed. Problems seem to dissolve, friendships and relationships are mended automatically. I drift off to sleep cos I'm just too tired. I feel him there, around me, holding me. I'm in my own world. And I don't ever want it to end. Opening my eyes again is sheer torture. I feel lonely. No one knows that, but I do. Should anyone this young be subjected to that? :s

I hate it. I miss my friends, my family. I feel as if I'm so outside nowadays. Especially when it comes to a certain clique of his friends - I've never felt like such an outcast in my life. Even primary school wasn't as bad. I thought things would be better by now, given that we're coming 8 months now, but they still make me feel like I'm the lowest living organism that can be found on the face of this world. Either they look at me with THE most disgusted expression on their face or they don't look at me at all, as if I've never existed to begin with. It sucks. Apart from that, I feel like alot of my friends have forgotten me. They're living their own happy lives with everyone else - The people that I cherish and hold so close to my heart. I'm not asking for presents or anything, just a ring maybe? :( Idk. Who am I to say anything anyways right?

Life isn't thaat bad though. Haha. I've been going on "road trips" and picnics with baby, Sasa and Brandon. I think that's the only time when I get the same feeling as when I close my eyes. It's nice to have a time where the people I'm with enjoy having me and my boyfriend at the same time. People don't really understand. :(

Baby.

Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I do is check my cell to see if you've called or texted. Before I go to bed, I ask God to bless you and wish you goodnight, even if we've been arguing. When you get mad, I force myself to just shut up and say I'm sorry, cos I really do mean it, I'm sorry for getting you upset. When I make you cry, I feel like crying harder, cos I know I've done something really bad, even if it wasn't my fault to begin with - I've done one of the worst things ever, make you cry. :( If only you knew what's going on in my head.

I know you ask very little of me, but when you do, it seems ridiculous. I still do it though. And I know when you read this, you're gna think that ALL my requests are always ridiculous, but that's cos I'm jealous, and I want you for myself. I'm protective and I want nothing but to make you happy - I wna be the only one that makes you happy. It's probably impossible. But I just wna make you happy.

Lately it hasn't seemed like you've been happy. Idk what I'm doing wrong. Maybe it's just me? I'm trying really hard. You don't know this, but sometimes I get really miserable - it's too hard for me to explain in words. I can't bring myself to tell you face to face cos I can't stand to see you choke up and get upset - well, that's if it still matters to you. :( But I guess it's ok being miserable if it's for you. I mean, I know that I sound naive right now, but I you knoww that I know how it's like to have really lost someone - I never wna go through that again. I promised myself that when I found someone that I loved like that again, I wouldn't let him down, I wouldn't screw everything up just cos I think I'm right, I wouldn't waste anymore time. I promised I'd keep him happy, even if it were at the cost of my own happiness. Being with him is about enough for me to survive. I love him - love you.

I really wish you just knew how much I love you. Honestly only God knows how much. He hears my prayers and my thoughts. He listens to my wishes, no matter how ridiculous. And 90% of the time, he knows that I'm not praying and wishing for things for myself, but for my family. You ARE my family, baby. And I hope one day, I'll be part of your family too, atleast.

I love you. I hope one day, you see what you mean to me. I hope that one day I'll mean a fraction of that to you as well. And I'm sorry for being an idiot. I really don't mean to. I love you.

When it's cold.

It's that painful empty feeling in the middle of your chest. You can't make it stop. You can't make it warm. It just gets colder and colder and even harder to breathe. You can't do anything, you just can't. You can't cry, shout let alone speak - nothing.

He thinks that I don't understand. That I always have to be right. He doesn't get that I'm not the one other people are looking at, HE is. He doesn't get that I'm insecure - I'm just being silly. Right? It hurts so bad knowing that he knows there are other options. He doesn't get it. The only time I don't feel lonely is when he's here. But when he makes me feel this way, I feel even lonelier than before.

SHAUN! I'm sorry leh :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know it was on the 1st of November, I'm sorry I didn't know :( See, I gots you a princess cake with a crown :DD HEEE. Love me not? :p

Her naked bottom :D

"Hi, my name is Low Hui Hui. My Ezra jiejie took nakky pictures of me to show when I grow up. I scream like a crazy person when I want my toys. I'm still very bushuk even after I've bombom-ed :DD"

Jelly shakers :D HAHA

Vibs!


And Fits! :p


Fits was playing with the penguins :D You can throw them around and they'd still follow. HEE.


See I told you so. :P


Can you spot Reza at the back? Hehe.


NIPPLES! Hahaha.




People who showed up for class :p


Nivea deodorant add :P "Use NIVEA" Haha.


My blog and it's fishies :DD

My banana nails :D

Stayed over at Deb's tyhe other day. It was nice, felt like old times. The only thing missing was MANOO! She painted my nails this bright banana yellow - Yes, I'm referring to them as my banana nails now :D HEE. I kinda miss all that. You know how people say real bestfreinds are the ones that pause when you leave and resume play when you're together again? Well, I think that applies to my bestfriends. And I miss you guys. All of you guys - Mano, Celia, Rastam, Deb, Atilia. Wish you were here. Then I wouldn't be alone. Hahaha. :p

I'm at HELP, and there's nothing to do. Shaun's supposed to drop by but he hasn't got a clue where this little cafe is . Haha. I've got another 3 hours to go til baby finishes class. -.- GOD and my batteries are dying on this thing. I can't find a plug anywhere nearby. I hope it lasts through the lunch hour cos all the other tables are filled :s Oh well. Wish me luck! :DD

Tear stained face.

This is not how she wants to look like. She just needs somebody, but he's not there. She knows she loves him, she really does. He only sees her tear stained face, he doesn't see what's behind it - how she feels. He's so clueless most of the time. He always thinks things are gna be OK - they're not. So she gives herself to him. She gives and gives and gives til she gets sick. She thinks that's all he wants. Is it all he wants? She doesn't know. All she knows is that she loves him, that she'll try - try to make him happy again, try to make them happy again. She knows she's not happy. She wants to be happy. She knows that he's not happy either. She knows that he doesn't care.

Persuasion.

He says he thinks you're beautiful.
He says he thinks you're perfect as you are.
He says he loves you smile.
He says he loves the way you smell.
He says he's given so much up for you.
He says you're what gets him going.
He says you're everything he needs.
He's just persuading you.

The trick is to start with something small and work your way up.

Mr. Shaun Quah.

Things that we have in common:-

1. we're both short, sorry! Hahaha
2. we can't speak in chinese.
3. I believe we both cry alot. Haha
4. we're both SHEXY and cute - he likes to believe so, I just think Iiii'm the one that's shexy and cute. HAHA (KIDDING)
5. as of now, we're also crying buddies.
6. we had the same font and colour of font on msn - til he made me change it -.-
7. we have the same perve emoticons - cos he stole mine HAHA
8. we were both icky and made fun of as kids, and turned out pretty damn well :DD aye!
9. we're both in love with my boypreng. Hee

That's all I got so far :p I've only known him for 2 days lah. HAHA. Nice guy :) So there you go, something that isn't that depressing on this blog :D

If I weren't here for you anymore.

He hugs her. He's smelling her hair. He's about to say something, she can tell - she can hear him suck in the air as if preparing to speak.

"Baby?"

"Yesh?"

"What will you do if I'm not here anymore?"

"I'd get depressed and kill myself. Hahaha"

"Seriously?"

"No la, silly. Haha. Idk, maybe. Idk. What do you mean?"

"I mean, what would you do if I'm not here for you anymore?"

"Like if you were gone?"

"Yeah."

"Don't say things like that."

"Sorry, I just wna know."

"What're you trying to say?"

"Nothing. Sorry."

It goes on. She cries. He tries to make things feel better. It doesn't work. He doesn't know, but she's still crying.

They sting.

Cos I spent last night crying.

When he's lying beside me.

I put my head on his chest and I can hear his heartbeat. It's so fast, even when he's asleep. He seems so stressed nowadays. Stressed and tired. Idk whether I'm the cause of it, or maybe I'm one of the causes. Idk. I just wish I can make him happy. He really doesn't seem happy anymore - atleast when he's with me. :(

My rainbow, no longer.

Maybe It's just me. But I feel like he isn't happy with me anymore..

Weighing out.

These past few days have kinda taken a toll on me. I feel extremely shitty at times even though I may appear happy and OK. I feel fat, overweight. I feel ugly and I feel like my ass is the size of bloody Malaysia - As if I could fit a whole nation in my ass. I hate feeling this way and I REFUSE to go back to where mean girls, who thought and STILL think they're all that, made fun of me to my face and behind my back about how ugly my buck teeth were and how I was "The fat one". I'm just tired of all that crap and IDW to go back. EVER. I'm sick of getting sensitive and trying so hard to "look good" when I obviously DON'T look or even feel good to begin with. I've tried exercising and going on diets, and I do feel so much better about myself, but then I get back here again - Square one. Everything I do doesn't seem enough and there'd be that ONE person who says that ONE thing - All hell breaks lose after that. IDK what to do anymore. I wna be pretty and skinny. I wna look good in everything I wear and not look chubby or plump or bloated. I;m so done with people commenting on my weight. FINE, I GET IT, I'LL LOSE WEIGHT.

Study study?

This is our attempt at studying. Haha. We started taking pictures of my purdyy hair and making videos for our diary instead :D HEE.

Dear Elaine.

Dear Elaine,

I know we aren't as close as we use to be and I can tell you that I really miss you. I hope you're doing fine at school and mixing well with your new friends. The other day, when you texted me to ask whether I was coming to class or not really affected me. I felt so touched that you still cared about this friend who has hardly been there for you anymore. I'm sorry for that, I really am. And I hope things would be better between us from now on. I realize that you're the kind of friend that I should keep in my life. I find it hard to trust people as I've had so many bad experiences with friends of the past - I've been used,forgotten and hurt too many times. It really is nice to know that you still say hi when we pass and that you still text to see how I'm doing. I keep a very very tiny and tight circle of loved and trusted friends that I hold close to my heart - I'd do anything and everything for them. And I'd like you to know that you are one of them, E. Even if we don't talk as often or hangout - which I hope will change. Haha. I'm only a call or text away. Elaine, you're a really good person and I hope you know that. I love you lots!

Your friend,
Ezra. <3

Exams and assingments. Yayy..

I know I hadn't been updating this silly blog :p Been really busayy with assignment and exams. I had no idea that my second semester would be so hectic. It's as if my brain's on an everlasting treadmill. Haha. I can't even find the energy to read these past few days. Maybe it's just that kinda week, know? Oh well. Everything else is good so far. Baby's been a wee bit testy and impatient - He's having exams too, haha. But that's nothing compared to when I'm moody - I'm sure he'd be able to support that statement :p Things are starting to add up, I guess :D As chaotic as this week may be, I feel totally relieved and refreshed. No more hiding things or feelings. I think it's safe to say, that all my skeletons in the closet have been buried for good. :D

He checks the time to go.

I feel so bored today :( I thought if he stayed over, maybe we could spend time together, but I still feel sooo EGH. As if it were pointless. I know that I shouldn't feel that way, but Idk. Maybe I'm too clingy. I can't help it though. I like him being aorund. I like feeling his skin on mine. I like faint smell of him when he sits next to me. :( Idk if he wants that too. Maybe he doesn't :( Maybe I should lay off. Stop being a jealous idiot. Stop being insecure. Stop caring? But that isn't loving. And I do love him. SO MUCH, no one will ever have a clue or ever understand what he means to me. I wish he knew. He says he does, but he doesn't. I know he tries, he's not a bad boyfriend - I hate it when he starts thinking that, I know it's my fault. But maybe he tries without knowing WHY. Idk. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't like having me around. Maybe me sticking to him all the time is annoying - like when I come close, he pulls away. It hurts when he does that, even if I know he doesn't mean it or do it on purpose. But it hurts. I wish he knew. Maybe it's time that I stopped caring so much. :(

Talk to me.

Yesterday night was probably the best time I had talking with baby. As retarded as it may sound, haha. I didn't wna go, but we were pushing 4am as it was :p He said that he'd call me in the morning when he gets up - He still hasn't gotten up. And Idh the heart to wake him abruptly seeing how I was the one who kept him til the wee hours of the morning. Haha. Things seem to be working out. :) I'm glad that they are.

Even when he picked me up from work. I think it was the first time where we were such idiots when I was at work. Usually we'd be pretty quiet cos the music playing would be booming all around - There isn't any point talking, really. We even recorded some lame ass video. HAHA, you should watch it, REALLY :p

I love you, Fawzan Sabirin, youu :3

Wan tan mee :9

This is the first time we've ever eaten anything Chinese together. HAHA

The one who got away.

So I was eating meatballs at Ikea with the family, I'm all prim and proper and all of the sudden when I try to fork this ONE small meatball to cut in half, it SLIPPED :O and FLEW toward the floor, over my left arm, my cellphone and pass the mineral water bottle! EMBARRASSING MUCH -.- I tried so hard to ignore all the people staring at me for my impromptu stunt :p

Remember to breathe.

Looking back at all the guys that I've loved. The ones that broke me, the ones that lied, the ones that still have a part of my heart. It's hard to believe that I let myself go through that. And now I realize, that it wasn't only their faults, but it was mine too. Maybe I tried too hard, pushed too far, sunk too deep. I need to remember to breathe. It's not that I'm not happy now. Maybe knowing that someone that you wanted to give the world to is now moving on as you are, it stings a little. The vindictive side of me wants them to live miserably, knowing what they missed out when things went wrong with us, forever regretting. I know it's silly, thinking about it, but they could live happy lives, maybe still in regret. I know for a fact that I have none - No regrets. And yes, I said it stings, but I guess I'm happy that they've found someone that makes them happy as how my baby makes me happy. :) No one deserves to be alone - God made an Eve for every Adam. They don't have to say they're sorry, but in the spirit of Raya, I feel as if I should just forgive and let go of the past. It is the PAST. So yeah. :) To everyone who has hurt me, I forgive you. And especially to those that I have hurt, please find it in your hearts to forgive me. I never intended to make you feel that way.

And, baby, if you're reading this, please don't get hurt. That's the last thing that I'd ever intend for you. You know that my heart belongs to you. My head lies next to yours. My hand is holding yours. Please don't get insecure over this silly post. :) I love you, Fawzan.

Be safe.

Dear, baby.

I'm missing you as it is. :( I wish I spent more time with you just now. Not seeing you for a two days is pure torture. It's hard. Please don't get into trouble and be safe while you're at Melaka. I'm serious tau? If anything were to happen to you, Idk what I'd do. :( I love you, baby. HMPH. I hope you know what you mean to me. I expect lots of sayang-ing when you get home!

Always yours,
Ezra.

P.S. Bumbu misses his papa :(

Mini Dinosaurs.

Idk. Been feeling kinda egh. Baby felt egh. I felt egh at the same time. Baby's ok now. I'm ok when I'm with baby. When I'm not, I'm kinda egh. For reals. Idk. And my sinuses are SERIOUSLY getting on my nerves. The whether is all over the place. Hot then cold, then hot again, then cold, and it goes on and on. I keep sneezing my eyeballs out. My nose hurts. Constantly being around smokers isn't helping. Second hand smoking = A higher chance of lung cancer - A higher percentage of second hand smokers die from lung cancer, not the smokers. Idw to die from lung cancer. I try to think of the mini dinosaurs that run across my screen when the page is loading. That kinda makes me happy. Idk why. I think it's cos dinosaurs are supposed to be BIG, but these are so cute and tiny. Hee. Mini Dinos. I sound lame wtf. I miss my baby. I want him here to be here, not for other stuffies. Idk.

Happy Birthday, Baby Sofy :D

Dearest, baby sister. I know sometimes I might give you a hard time, but please know that I love you always. It's so hard for me to see my little munchkin turn 15, cos in all of our eyes, you're still the big headed-oogly-geramgeram baby girl. I want you to do the things that you want to do and NEVER let anybody stop you. Especially when you think you're right. Just don't go against the ones who love you and ALWAYS respect us older ones. You are so beautiful I wish you knew it. Don't let the words of others put you down. I know you might seem tough on the outside, but we all know you're a big mooshy pile of gummies. That's why Yasmin jie jie and I are always very protective over you. If anyone were to hurt you ever, we'd go KUNG FU on their asses. Or their heads - Mental torture! You must understand how to listen sometimes as well. Remember that you are the mei mei. When we tell you things, it may be hurtful, but that is NEVER our intention, feifei. SO. HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY, FEI DI!

I love you.

<3,
Ezra Jie jie.

P.S. Yasmin if you're reading this I love you too! :DD And don't get hurt about me not writing about you. I just didn't have a blog then -.-"

My Monday blues.

Today seemed more tiring. I fell asleep on the floor when baby left :p School was OK. Guess it's just the Monday blues. Did I mention that I'm EXHILARATED that the very first class of tomorrow's day is THE oh so wonderful Miss Anne's. I'm gna have to face crap first thing in the morning. I never really noticed that the friends that I have around me in class are really supportive toward me :p SERIOUSLY. They're a bunch of guys and it's sweet and comforting to know that they'd wake up earlier to be in class with me tomorrow morning instead of Thursday's afternoon one. :D I've gotta keep reminding myself that once I finish the whole day in that pretentious, over priced, unnecessarily dramatic, hell hole of a school, I'd come home to my Family and my baby. :) And Bumbu ofcourse. Hehe. :D

SO this is for my family, my friends, my baby, my Bumbu. Thank you for making my Monday blues a hell of a lot better :)

There was an extra passenger.

"Baby I wna go smoke k?"

"Ok, don't take too long, please. You need to finish your assignment."

15 minutes goes by..

I call.

"Where are you?"

"I'm in the loo. Be back in abit k?"

"OK."

I can see him walking back in. But in total opposite directions of where the loo was. He wasn't coming from the loo. What was he doing over at Mc Donalds?

He came late to pick me up. OK. I'm already spending most of my time alone when HE was the one who asked me to teman him. The pervert staring at me across doesn't help the situation. He sits down next to me and continues doing his work. I'm pissed. He's checking his watch. I hate it when he checks his watch. Makes it seem like he just wants to send me home and leave.

"Baby I have to leave in a minute."

"Ok."

We continue doing our own thing on our laptops.

"Baby Happy Anniversary :D"

"Yeah, Happy 5 month anniversary too."

You can tell I'm upset. We pack our things and head out to the car, passing by Mc Donalds. I'm scanning through the people to see if anyone is looking at him, maybe giving him signals, maybe that's the person he was sneaking off to see. All these possibilities running through my head. I refuse to hold his hand. He's holding mine while I leave my hand limp.

We reach the car and I see a shadow sitting in the backseat directly behind mine. I ignore it. As mama and papa has always said, pretend that you see, hear or smell nothing. He opens the car door behind to put our stuff. The light comes on.

"Looks like there's an extra passenger with us todayy."

He's giving me the BIGGEST grin ever. It's my panda bear!! One as big as a three year old baby. He out the safety belt on it and it's holding a little card. :3 that's why he was rushing off. That's why he took so long outside. He was getting ready my surprise. :D I felt so embarrassed and horrid cos I was treating him so coldly. After 3 months of bugging him for a panda bear, he finally got me one when I least expected it. It was the best present EVAAAA. :D

Celia's prezzie :)

I think after all the drama and the hard times that I've gone through, Celia always has her way to remind me about the brighter days. I love you, babe! <3

Let down.

Idk whether there's something wrong with today, but it's supposed to be my 5 month anniversary with Fawzan. Aren't I supposed to be enjoying the day? I mean, everything seems to not work out. I got up early cos I wanted to get my highlights today. Was actually really excited cos I couldn't get them a few days back cos they were closing. There wasn't enough time again today. Mama had to send dad to the office. OK. I totally forgot that he has another class at 4. He says he's gna get out early, but I have to work at 4.30. He said he's on his way to meet me now, it's better than not seeing me at all. It's already 3. He has to leave by 3.30. I have to work last minute and I can't get off early cos Uncle Gun won't be there for the whole day. I don't think I can get off at all. I planned to watch Gamer with Fawzan. I told him I wanted to watch The Ugly Truth to surprise him. I booked the tickets two days ago. I feel like I can't get mad or upset cos he got me the panda bear that I've been asking for. Idk. This day seems to get suckier by the second. I feel like crying now and falling asleep. Maybe I'm not supposed to celebrate. Maybe 5 months means nothing. It was kinda my fault to begin with. I made it a big deal. I just really don't feel like doing anything anymore. I woke up with a smile and a light heart. Now, I don't think I could even fake a smile and my heart feels as if it fell down to the bottom of my ass. I wanted to write about my stupid panda. Now I'm writing about this. Nice.

Not mine, but what do you think?

Instead of the neck, how about this tattoo on the front of my shoulder? :D




I just like the bird view bit. The bottom one seems abit demented.

What do you think? :D Comments will be appreciated. Hee.

Latte, anyone?

Full term : Caffelatte
Origin of term : Itallian
Contents: Coffee and Milk
Usually served : with ice or hot, caramel added for sweetness, along with breakfast.

I just spent RM11.75 on a cup of coffee and milk with a little caramel syrup -.-" Oh the things people indulge on. But I have to add, it dooes taste nyummy :9 Go starbucks! :DD

My Morning hair, part II

Good Morning to the very few that are reading this. HAHA. I am all ready for school, waiting for Judge, AS USUAL. -.-" I'm so lazy to go to school today. I', already skipping my second class. SHHH! X3 I mean it's only music theory. I can't find my certificates so I can't be exempted :( I mean c'mooon, The last time I took a music theory exam was like when I was 12?? I'm 18 going on 19, man. :D

I've also sat for my "undang" talk thing already. THE most excruciatingly painful ordeal that you will EVER have to face when growing up. Haha. The first two hours were ok, but as it started moving on to the third, then fourth, then fifth, then SIXTH HOUR, I think any normal human being would've lost thei sanity for a brief moment. HAHA. I'm pretty psyched about the whole thing. I mean, I've been so lazy to get it the whole time. I think it's about time. Don't you? :D

So whoever reading this now, which I doubt is aanyone -.-", I hope you have a nice day. Don't let things get to you easy, have a cup of coffee. :D And to anyone who reads this later on, I hope you guys had a good day. If anything, know that I'm only a call away!

<3

We murder.

ERGHHH!

I'm waiting up only for you to ignore me online! I'm clearly merajuk-ing and you expect me to start the video call and the conversation. Wth?? I'm only human. I'm sleepy, I'm tired, I wna talk to YOU, but you don't even know how to pujuk me! >.< GAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Then when I text you all you say is sorry and expect to me all OKAY. I'm CLEARLY NOT OKAY. I WANT YOU TO BLOODY PUJUK ME and if it's so hard then FINE!

Is it too late to apologise?

Baby,
I know that lately you've been having doubts about how I feel toward you. All the bad dreams of me leaving you and etc. I'm so sorry, baby. I never meant for it to escalate to this point. I know that I've been giving you a hard time, and the situation seems to be stuck in its place, but I want you to know that I love you. I love you so so so much you have no idea. I'm not perfect but I try to be the best for you. Sometimes the things I do and the situations I put us in gets to you. I know that it's unbearable to keep looping through the same thing over and over again, but I promise that I've never lied or hidden anything from you. I refuse to. Baby I'm sorry. Please don't feel as if you cannot trust me. How I react to these things is just the way that I am. You can't expect me to pretend that it didn't happen and just move on. I need time. And with time will come obstacles that will rub their asses on your face, but you need to know that after everything and anything, my hands are holding yours. You don't have to listen to what I'm saying now, but atleast see and feel the way I love you.