Baby.

Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I do is check my cell to see if you've called or texted. Before I go to bed, I ask God to bless you and wish you goodnight, even if we've been arguing. When you get mad, I force myself to just shut up and say I'm sorry, cos I really do mean it, I'm sorry for getting you upset. When I make you cry, I feel like crying harder, cos I know I've done something really bad, even if it wasn't my fault to begin with - I've done one of the worst things ever, make you cry. :( If only you knew what's going on in my head.

I know you ask very little of me, but when you do, it seems ridiculous. I still do it though. And I know when you read this, you're gna think that ALL my requests are always ridiculous, but that's cos I'm jealous, and I want you for myself. I'm protective and I want nothing but to make you happy - I wna be the only one that makes you happy. It's probably impossible. But I just wna make you happy.

Lately it hasn't seemed like you've been happy. Idk what I'm doing wrong. Maybe it's just me? I'm trying really hard. You don't know this, but sometimes I get really miserable - it's too hard for me to explain in words. I can't bring myself to tell you face to face cos I can't stand to see you choke up and get upset - well, that's if it still matters to you. :( But I guess it's ok being miserable if it's for you. I mean, I know that I sound naive right now, but I you knoww that I know how it's like to have really lost someone - I never wna go through that again. I promised myself that when I found someone that I loved like that again, I wouldn't let him down, I wouldn't screw everything up just cos I think I'm right, I wouldn't waste anymore time. I promised I'd keep him happy, even if it were at the cost of my own happiness. Being with him is about enough for me to survive. I love him - love you.

I really wish you just knew how much I love you. Honestly only God knows how much. He hears my prayers and my thoughts. He listens to my wishes, no matter how ridiculous. And 90% of the time, he knows that I'm not praying and wishing for things for myself, but for my family. You ARE my family, baby. And I hope one day, I'll be part of your family too, atleast.

I love you. I hope one day, you see what you mean to me. I hope that one day I'll mean a fraction of that to you as well. And I'm sorry for being an idiot. I really don't mean to. I love you.