Yesterday night.

Yesterday night I cried, I wept,
I lay in bed feeling alone,
Yesterday night curled up, I slept,
Hurt everywhere was all that was shown.

Today I thought things would get better,
That maybe you see what I saw,
Patience, I wait, just to see whether
The cold in you would thaw.

Tomorrow I don't know what would happen,
The future I cannot see,
Who knows, maybe, my face still ashen,
As again you let me cry, let me be.

But I'm not a boy.

Been working at Dorothy Perkins again. GOD, it's been hectic. Haha. So we have to play music there right, and a collegue burns Beyonce's shizz. I never really payed attention to the If I were a boy remix til now. DEEP. The whole song reminded me of my relationship with Fawzan. I mean, I thought the song was so true as it originally was, but then we get the other perspective in the remix. It just hit me, so randomly, like that. Haha. The line that did it was "You are not a perfect woman, AND I am not a perfect man". I think a girl's insecurities shouldn't get in the way of a relationship. And if the guy really loves you, you're bound to realize that in time. :)

New Years Resolution.

Happy New Year, all! OMG, we'll all be getting a year older and the zombie apocalypse is not far away :O Haha.

Anyways, I really think that I should do something about my whole fashion dream thingy. I think it'll be great if I could just start with learning how to sew, from there, I'll just practuse and start making the simplest of my designs. :D

Apart from that, I'm also gna start saving more, for when the rainy days are BOUND to come.

AND, I'm wna make sure that I'm gna be a better daughter, sister, friend and last but not least wifey, to all my very much loved ones.

Peaces in!

Half my heart.

I'm doubtful again. After thinking that it was all OK now. IDK anymore. I don't think he wants to go to Melaka with me. Idw to go anymore :(

Hungover and bruised.

JUST got better from me hangover. My parents weren't home over Friday night, and as any normal teenager would, partying would be on my mind. Haha. I haven't drank like that in sooo long, you have noo idea how OUT I was. :pp Suprisingly, I remember everyone's faces AND names. Haha. But the next dayy. OMG, I've never felt so icky in my life before. I woke up with a swolen fist, my hands in general were swolen, hitting GOD knows what. -.- But overall I had a good time :DD You're only a teenager once yow, and next year would be the last year :(

My morning hair, part III

GOOD MORNING, peeps :D Just got home from hopefully having my last driving lesson. I think I feel pretty confident now. Was a wreck last week, it was ridiculous. I cried my eyeballs out when I was otw home. I FAILED my road test, and the 3 FREE marks that I could've gotten were not marked. WHY? - not because I didn't do it, but because the guy testing me was an ASS. :D I'm praying really hard tomorrow's examiner will be nicer atleast. Then that way, I wouldn't be freaking out as much if the speed meter isn't working again - yes, it was friggin broken WTH. The whole damn time I was driving, the arrow stuck at 0. Oh the irony of it all. So fingers crossed for me tomorrow! Another rm270 to get this shit done. And I better get my pass tomorrow or I swear I'd start flippin' balls yows. GRRR angry. Haha. Peace IN :D

With my eyes closed.

Everything feels so much better with my eyes closed. Problems seem to dissolve, friendships and relationships are mended automatically. I drift off to sleep cos I'm just too tired. I feel him there, around me, holding me. I'm in my own world. And I don't ever want it to end. Opening my eyes again is sheer torture. I feel lonely. No one knows that, but I do. Should anyone this young be subjected to that? :s

I hate it. I miss my friends, my family. I feel as if I'm so outside nowadays. Especially when it comes to a certain clique of his friends - I've never felt like such an outcast in my life. Even primary school wasn't as bad. I thought things would be better by now, given that we're coming 8 months now, but they still make me feel like I'm the lowest living organism that can be found on the face of this world. Either they look at me with THE most disgusted expression on their face or they don't look at me at all, as if I've never existed to begin with. It sucks. Apart from that, I feel like alot of my friends have forgotten me. They're living their own happy lives with everyone else - The people that I cherish and hold so close to my heart. I'm not asking for presents or anything, just a ring maybe? :( Idk. Who am I to say anything anyways right?

Life isn't thaat bad though. Haha. I've been going on "road trips" and picnics with baby, Sasa and Brandon. I think that's the only time when I get the same feeling as when I close my eyes. It's nice to have a time where the people I'm with enjoy having me and my boyfriend at the same time. People don't really understand. :(

Baby.

Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I do is check my cell to see if you've called or texted. Before I go to bed, I ask God to bless you and wish you goodnight, even if we've been arguing. When you get mad, I force myself to just shut up and say I'm sorry, cos I really do mean it, I'm sorry for getting you upset. When I make you cry, I feel like crying harder, cos I know I've done something really bad, even if it wasn't my fault to begin with - I've done one of the worst things ever, make you cry. :( If only you knew what's going on in my head.

I know you ask very little of me, but when you do, it seems ridiculous. I still do it though. And I know when you read this, you're gna think that ALL my requests are always ridiculous, but that's cos I'm jealous, and I want you for myself. I'm protective and I want nothing but to make you happy - I wna be the only one that makes you happy. It's probably impossible. But I just wna make you happy.

Lately it hasn't seemed like you've been happy. Idk what I'm doing wrong. Maybe it's just me? I'm trying really hard. You don't know this, but sometimes I get really miserable - it's too hard for me to explain in words. I can't bring myself to tell you face to face cos I can't stand to see you choke up and get upset - well, that's if it still matters to you. :( But I guess it's ok being miserable if it's for you. I mean, I know that I sound naive right now, but I you knoww that I know how it's like to have really lost someone - I never wna go through that again. I promised myself that when I found someone that I loved like that again, I wouldn't let him down, I wouldn't screw everything up just cos I think I'm right, I wouldn't waste anymore time. I promised I'd keep him happy, even if it were at the cost of my own happiness. Being with him is about enough for me to survive. I love him - love you.

I really wish you just knew how much I love you. Honestly only God knows how much. He hears my prayers and my thoughts. He listens to my wishes, no matter how ridiculous. And 90% of the time, he knows that I'm not praying and wishing for things for myself, but for my family. You ARE my family, baby. And I hope one day, I'll be part of your family too, atleast.

I love you. I hope one day, you see what you mean to me. I hope that one day I'll mean a fraction of that to you as well. And I'm sorry for being an idiot. I really don't mean to. I love you.

When it's cold.

It's that painful empty feeling in the middle of your chest. You can't make it stop. You can't make it warm. It just gets colder and colder and even harder to breathe. You can't do anything, you just can't. You can't cry, shout let alone speak - nothing.

He thinks that I don't understand. That I always have to be right. He doesn't get that I'm not the one other people are looking at, HE is. He doesn't get that I'm insecure - I'm just being silly. Right? It hurts so bad knowing that he knows there are other options. He doesn't get it. The only time I don't feel lonely is when he's here. But when he makes me feel this way, I feel even lonelier than before.

SHAUN! I'm sorry leh :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know it was on the 1st of November, I'm sorry I didn't know :( See, I gots you a princess cake with a crown :DD HEEE. Love me not? :p

Her naked bottom :D

"Hi, my name is Low Hui Hui. My Ezra jiejie took nakky pictures of me to show when I grow up. I scream like a crazy person when I want my toys. I'm still very bushuk even after I've bombom-ed :DD"

Jelly shakers :D HAHA

Vibs!


And Fits! :p


Fits was playing with the penguins :D You can throw them around and they'd still follow. HEE.


See I told you so. :P


Can you spot Reza at the back? Hehe.


NIPPLES! Hahaha.




People who showed up for class :p


Nivea deodorant add :P "Use NIVEA" Haha.


My blog and it's fishies :DD

My banana nails :D

Stayed over at Deb's tyhe other day. It was nice, felt like old times. The only thing missing was MANOO! She painted my nails this bright banana yellow - Yes, I'm referring to them as my banana nails now :D HEE. I kinda miss all that. You know how people say real bestfreinds are the ones that pause when you leave and resume play when you're together again? Well, I think that applies to my bestfriends. And I miss you guys. All of you guys - Mano, Celia, Rastam, Deb, Atilia. Wish you were here. Then I wouldn't be alone. Hahaha. :p

I'm at HELP, and there's nothing to do. Shaun's supposed to drop by but he hasn't got a clue where this little cafe is . Haha. I've got another 3 hours to go til baby finishes class. -.- GOD and my batteries are dying on this thing. I can't find a plug anywhere nearby. I hope it lasts through the lunch hour cos all the other tables are filled :s Oh well. Wish me luck! :DD

Tear stained face.

This is not how she wants to look like. She just needs somebody, but he's not there. She knows she loves him, she really does. He only sees her tear stained face, he doesn't see what's behind it - how she feels. He's so clueless most of the time. He always thinks things are gna be OK - they're not. So she gives herself to him. She gives and gives and gives til she gets sick. She thinks that's all he wants. Is it all he wants? She doesn't know. All she knows is that she loves him, that she'll try - try to make him happy again, try to make them happy again. She knows she's not happy. She wants to be happy. She knows that he's not happy either. She knows that he doesn't care.

Persuasion.

He says he thinks you're beautiful.
He says he thinks you're perfect as you are.
He says he loves you smile.
He says he loves the way you smell.
He says he's given so much up for you.
He says you're what gets him going.
He says you're everything he needs.
He's just persuading you.

The trick is to start with something small and work your way up.

Mr. Shaun Quah.

Things that we have in common:-

1. we're both short, sorry! Hahaha
2. we can't speak in chinese.
3. I believe we both cry alot. Haha
4. we're both SHEXY and cute - he likes to believe so, I just think Iiii'm the one that's shexy and cute. HAHA (KIDDING)
5. as of now, we're also crying buddies.
6. we had the same font and colour of font on msn - til he made me change it -.-
7. we have the same perve emoticons - cos he stole mine HAHA
8. we were both icky and made fun of as kids, and turned out pretty damn well :DD aye!
9. we're both in love with my boypreng. Hee

That's all I got so far :p I've only known him for 2 days lah. HAHA. Nice guy :) So there you go, something that isn't that depressing on this blog :D

If I weren't here for you anymore.

He hugs her. He's smelling her hair. He's about to say something, she can tell - she can hear him suck in the air as if preparing to speak.

"Baby?"

"Yesh?"

"What will you do if I'm not here anymore?"

"I'd get depressed and kill myself. Hahaha"

"Seriously?"

"No la, silly. Haha. Idk, maybe. Idk. What do you mean?"

"I mean, what would you do if I'm not here for you anymore?"

"Like if you were gone?"

"Yeah."

"Don't say things like that."

"Sorry, I just wna know."

"What're you trying to say?"

"Nothing. Sorry."

It goes on. She cries. He tries to make things feel better. It doesn't work. He doesn't know, but she's still crying.

They sting.

Cos I spent last night crying.

When he's lying beside me.

I put my head on his chest and I can hear his heartbeat. It's so fast, even when he's asleep. He seems so stressed nowadays. Stressed and tired. Idk whether I'm the cause of it, or maybe I'm one of the causes. Idk. I just wish I can make him happy. He really doesn't seem happy anymore - atleast when he's with me. :(

My rainbow, no longer.

Maybe It's just me. But I feel like he isn't happy with me anymore..