Jelly shakers :D HAHA

Vibs!


And Fits! :p


Fits was playing with the penguins :D You can throw them around and they'd still follow. HEE.


See I told you so. :P


Can you spot Reza at the back? Hehe.


NIPPLES! Hahaha.




People who showed up for class :p


Nivea deodorant add :P "Use NIVEA" Haha.


My blog and it's fishies :DD

My banana nails :D

Stayed over at Deb's tyhe other day. It was nice, felt like old times. The only thing missing was MANOO! She painted my nails this bright banana yellow - Yes, I'm referring to them as my banana nails now :D HEE. I kinda miss all that. You know how people say real bestfreinds are the ones that pause when you leave and resume play when you're together again? Well, I think that applies to my bestfriends. And I miss you guys. All of you guys - Mano, Celia, Rastam, Deb, Atilia. Wish you were here. Then I wouldn't be alone. Hahaha. :p

I'm at HELP, and there's nothing to do. Shaun's supposed to drop by but he hasn't got a clue where this little cafe is . Haha. I've got another 3 hours to go til baby finishes class. -.- GOD and my batteries are dying on this thing. I can't find a plug anywhere nearby. I hope it lasts through the lunch hour cos all the other tables are filled :s Oh well. Wish me luck! :DD

Tear stained face.

This is not how she wants to look like. She just needs somebody, but he's not there. She knows she loves him, she really does. He only sees her tear stained face, he doesn't see what's behind it - how she feels. He's so clueless most of the time. He always thinks things are gna be OK - they're not. So she gives herself to him. She gives and gives and gives til she gets sick. She thinks that's all he wants. Is it all he wants? She doesn't know. All she knows is that she loves him, that she'll try - try to make him happy again, try to make them happy again. She knows she's not happy. She wants to be happy. She knows that he's not happy either. She knows that he doesn't care.

Persuasion.

He says he thinks you're beautiful.
He says he thinks you're perfect as you are.
He says he loves you smile.
He says he loves the way you smell.
He says he's given so much up for you.
He says you're what gets him going.
He says you're everything he needs.
He's just persuading you.

The trick is to start with something small and work your way up.

Mr. Shaun Quah.

Things that we have in common:-

1. we're both short, sorry! Hahaha
2. we can't speak in chinese.
3. I believe we both cry alot. Haha
4. we're both SHEXY and cute - he likes to believe so, I just think Iiii'm the one that's shexy and cute. HAHA (KIDDING)
5. as of now, we're also crying buddies.
6. we had the same font and colour of font on msn - til he made me change it -.-
7. we have the same perve emoticons - cos he stole mine HAHA
8. we were both icky and made fun of as kids, and turned out pretty damn well :DD aye!
9. we're both in love with my boypreng. Hee

That's all I got so far :p I've only known him for 2 days lah. HAHA. Nice guy :) So there you go, something that isn't that depressing on this blog :D

If I weren't here for you anymore.

He hugs her. He's smelling her hair. He's about to say something, she can tell - she can hear him suck in the air as if preparing to speak.

"Baby?"

"Yesh?"

"What will you do if I'm not here anymore?"

"I'd get depressed and kill myself. Hahaha"

"Seriously?"

"No la, silly. Haha. Idk, maybe. Idk. What do you mean?"

"I mean, what would you do if I'm not here for you anymore?"

"Like if you were gone?"

"Yeah."

"Don't say things like that."

"Sorry, I just wna know."

"What're you trying to say?"

"Nothing. Sorry."

It goes on. She cries. He tries to make things feel better. It doesn't work. He doesn't know, but she's still crying.

They sting.

Cos I spent last night crying.

When he's lying beside me.

I put my head on his chest and I can hear his heartbeat. It's so fast, even when he's asleep. He seems so stressed nowadays. Stressed and tired. Idk whether I'm the cause of it, or maybe I'm one of the causes. Idk. I just wish I can make him happy. He really doesn't seem happy anymore - atleast when he's with me. :(

My rainbow, no longer.

Maybe It's just me. But I feel like he isn't happy with me anymore..

Weighing out.

These past few days have kinda taken a toll on me. I feel extremely shitty at times even though I may appear happy and OK. I feel fat, overweight. I feel ugly and I feel like my ass is the size of bloody Malaysia - As if I could fit a whole nation in my ass. I hate feeling this way and I REFUSE to go back to where mean girls, who thought and STILL think they're all that, made fun of me to my face and behind my back about how ugly my buck teeth were and how I was "The fat one". I'm just tired of all that crap and IDW to go back. EVER. I'm sick of getting sensitive and trying so hard to "look good" when I obviously DON'T look or even feel good to begin with. I've tried exercising and going on diets, and I do feel so much better about myself, but then I get back here again - Square one. Everything I do doesn't seem enough and there'd be that ONE person who says that ONE thing - All hell breaks lose after that. IDK what to do anymore. I wna be pretty and skinny. I wna look good in everything I wear and not look chubby or plump or bloated. I;m so done with people commenting on my weight. FINE, I GET IT, I'LL LOSE WEIGHT.

Study study?

This is our attempt at studying. Haha. We started taking pictures of my purdyy hair and making videos for our diary instead :D HEE.

Dear Elaine.

Dear Elaine,

I know we aren't as close as we use to be and I can tell you that I really miss you. I hope you're doing fine at school and mixing well with your new friends. The other day, when you texted me to ask whether I was coming to class or not really affected me. I felt so touched that you still cared about this friend who has hardly been there for you anymore. I'm sorry for that, I really am. And I hope things would be better between us from now on. I realize that you're the kind of friend that I should keep in my life. I find it hard to trust people as I've had so many bad experiences with friends of the past - I've been used,forgotten and hurt too many times. It really is nice to know that you still say hi when we pass and that you still text to see how I'm doing. I keep a very very tiny and tight circle of loved and trusted friends that I hold close to my heart - I'd do anything and everything for them. And I'd like you to know that you are one of them, E. Even if we don't talk as often or hangout - which I hope will change. Haha. I'm only a call or text away. Elaine, you're a really good person and I hope you know that. I love you lots!

Your friend,
Ezra. <3

Exams and assingments. Yayy..

I know I hadn't been updating this silly blog :p Been really busayy with assignment and exams. I had no idea that my second semester would be so hectic. It's as if my brain's on an everlasting treadmill. Haha. I can't even find the energy to read these past few days. Maybe it's just that kinda week, know? Oh well. Everything else is good so far. Baby's been a wee bit testy and impatient - He's having exams too, haha. But that's nothing compared to when I'm moody - I'm sure he'd be able to support that statement :p Things are starting to add up, I guess :D As chaotic as this week may be, I feel totally relieved and refreshed. No more hiding things or feelings. I think it's safe to say, that all my skeletons in the closet have been buried for good. :D

He checks the time to go.

I feel so bored today :( I thought if he stayed over, maybe we could spend time together, but I still feel sooo EGH. As if it were pointless. I know that I shouldn't feel that way, but Idk. Maybe I'm too clingy. I can't help it though. I like him being aorund. I like feeling his skin on mine. I like faint smell of him when he sits next to me. :( Idk if he wants that too. Maybe he doesn't :( Maybe I should lay off. Stop being a jealous idiot. Stop being insecure. Stop caring? But that isn't loving. And I do love him. SO MUCH, no one will ever have a clue or ever understand what he means to me. I wish he knew. He says he does, but he doesn't. I know he tries, he's not a bad boyfriend - I hate it when he starts thinking that, I know it's my fault. But maybe he tries without knowing WHY. Idk. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't like having me around. Maybe me sticking to him all the time is annoying - like when I come close, he pulls away. It hurts when he does that, even if I know he doesn't mean it or do it on purpose. But it hurts. I wish he knew. Maybe it's time that I stopped caring so much. :(