The whole town came :)

It's my gong-gong's birthday today. Squished between each other, we filled three whole tables. All of us separated by age group ofcourse - Babies, Kids and Old people. HAHA. Our family is so huge it felt as if the whole town came to celebrate with us. :p The food was OK, but I think overall, we had a real good time with each other. The air was filled with laughter and REALY noisy chattering. You could hear some karaoke shit going on in the section beside ours, but it's being muffled by all of our three tables. Haha.

Modeling for Calvin Klein. :p

Looking for a FRESH FACE? :p He's got the looks, style and attitude, baby. HAHA.











P.S. These were all candid btw. And taken with my cellphone's camera. Not bad eyh? :D

BLOCKED. O.O

It's 8 am and people keep calling me. I'm trying to sleep, I didn't get any the night before last. I hear my phone constantly ringing, texts coming in. Once the noise has died down, I check my texts, barely being able to open my eyes. I scroll down to the very first one. It's baby :) It wasn't a very long text but he managed to cramp in five I love yous. Hehe. I try calling back but my number was barred. -.-" Along with everyone else's in the house. GAH.

He's all the way in Ipoh and I'm crazy missing him now. I went back to sleep only to have a bad dream of eating cookie monster cookies wrapped in edible cloth while he ignored me the whole day :s Talk about getting hurt right? I heard my phone ringing again, I checked it and it was baby. I didn;t wna pick up cos I wanted to merajuk, but the I realized that I was only dreaming before. HAHA. Guess what the giveaway was? - Edible cloth :p We talked for abit, but I still miss him :(

Use somebody.

I know I might not have been the most popular girl in school, and that I might not have that many friends, but the handful that I keep, I keep close to my heart. It's breaking my heart to know that some of these friends are hurting. It's excruciatingly painful to know that they now feel what you have felt before. Infact every human should be able to relate to this. The agony over something someone has said or the loneliness we feel when someone has left us. The worst part about having these feelings is that we ALWAYS feel alone. Regardless of whether we are or not, we feel SO alone. It isn't as if your mission is to make others pity you, or that you're just saying that so people notice (LOA), but we just feel alone, empty, vulnerable. It's just inevitable.

It is at these moments, no matter how hard we believe it to be, we HAVE to realize that we are surrounded by people that love us 24-7. They care and worry about us. I know for a fact that the people I love would be there for me when I need them, they'd piss and crap on everything and everyone that has done anything ill hearted toward me. I'd gladly do the same thing for them a hundred times if I had to. And even if you look around, and you seriously see NO ONE infront of you, I'd be there behind you if ever you fall. I might not be alot, but I'm always there. My love toward you cannot be compared with the number of friends that you have.

"I've been roaming around,
Always lookin' down at all I see,
Painted faces do the paces I can't reach,
You know that I could use somebody,
You know that I could use somebody"
-Kings of Leon-

Where'd you go? I miss you so.

"What are you tired about?"

"Everything."

"It can't beee everything, what??"

"Just everything."

"Whyy are you tired?"

"I just am."

"I've got to leave in a minute."

"Ok.."

"Ok."

It's just one of those days. Idk why but it feels like i've got a whole platoon of soldiers piling ontop of my shoulders. He sounds irritated at the way I am. I can't help it. It's just a part of me that was there for as long as I can remember. I hate sounding whiny though. I know I should stop but I keep going. I'm tired. Just tired. What don't you get? Why must there be a why? Can't I just be tired? These are the times where I wish so badly to go back in time. Not to correct any mistakes (no regrets), but to just feel better. Better when I felt tired. Back when he wouldn't ask why or what. He wouldn't have asked at all. He supported and loved and felt tired as I did. He hated the world just cos I hated it. He cried just cos I cried. He cussed and bitched and backed me up all the way just cos I did. He didn't need any inquiry cos he knew that all I needed was him. And after ALL that fuss of me getting worked up. I'd know it was for nothing. I'd know how silly it was and how silly I was for being tired and getting upset in the first damn place. There were no tones of irritation or frustration in his voice all the while. All the crying and moping and EGH-ing to him. He still backed me up. And I felt better. I felt good. I felt stupid, yes, but he didn't think I was and I felt ,knew and trusted that he didn't. Cos in his mind I knew that all he wanted to do was to make me feel better. Where did that boy go? :(

One or two?

I use to be colour blind. I didn't care about sly comments about race or religion. You'd think growing up in a country like ours, people would understand. It didn't matter which and what family we came from and who our grandfathers were. All I knew was that we were all born and bred to love one another and to put our differences aside. That bridge that we built is now burning down, and it's burning oh so very slowly. People now treat you as if you are incompetent of understanding just because you are of a different person on the outside. They make remarks which are hurtful and cut you out because they find as if your opinion is not a valid point - How would weee know, RIGHT? This anger that I feel inside, I know it isn't healthy. It took me a damn long time to realize that this "unity" that everyone speaks of does not exist. Maybe it did before and maybe it still does, but if it is, it definitely is depleting and dissolving into the air - making it thicker and harder for us to breathe. So what now? What do we do? Our world as we know it - is it one or two? I'm trying my best to not allow this to bug me. But sometimes when it happens, it comes to you like shards of metal from a bomb that has exploded. Idw to raise my children, and my childrens' children to live in a world where we are divided.

work.

So there's some pool tournament going on. Things are wayy livelier than usual over here. It's just one of the good days but it still seems boring. I can see young and old-ER customers. Haha. People circling the pool tables-some sitting, some standing as close as they can get. There's lots of movement today, but i'm still bored sitting behind the bar. To make things worse, there isn't any eye candy :( haha. Oh well.