My morning hair, part III

GOOD MORNING, peeps :D Just got home from hopefully having my last driving lesson. I think I feel pretty confident now. Was a wreck last week, it was ridiculous. I cried my eyeballs out when I was otw home. I FAILED my road test, and the 3 FREE marks that I could've gotten were not marked. WHY? - not because I didn't do it, but because the guy testing me was an ASS. :D I'm praying really hard tomorrow's examiner will be nicer atleast. Then that way, I wouldn't be freaking out as much if the speed meter isn't working again - yes, it was friggin broken WTH. The whole damn time I was driving, the arrow stuck at 0. Oh the irony of it all. So fingers crossed for me tomorrow! Another rm270 to get this shit done. And I better get my pass tomorrow or I swear I'd start flippin' balls yows. GRRR angry. Haha. Peace IN :D

With my eyes closed.

Everything feels so much better with my eyes closed. Problems seem to dissolve, friendships and relationships are mended automatically. I drift off to sleep cos I'm just too tired. I feel him there, around me, holding me. I'm in my own world. And I don't ever want it to end. Opening my eyes again is sheer torture. I feel lonely. No one knows that, but I do. Should anyone this young be subjected to that? :s

I hate it. I miss my friends, my family. I feel as if I'm so outside nowadays. Especially when it comes to a certain clique of his friends - I've never felt like such an outcast in my life. Even primary school wasn't as bad. I thought things would be better by now, given that we're coming 8 months now, but they still make me feel like I'm the lowest living organism that can be found on the face of this world. Either they look at me with THE most disgusted expression on their face or they don't look at me at all, as if I've never existed to begin with. It sucks. Apart from that, I feel like alot of my friends have forgotten me. They're living their own happy lives with everyone else - The people that I cherish and hold so close to my heart. I'm not asking for presents or anything, just a ring maybe? :( Idk. Who am I to say anything anyways right?

Life isn't thaat bad though. Haha. I've been going on "road trips" and picnics with baby, Sasa and Brandon. I think that's the only time when I get the same feeling as when I close my eyes. It's nice to have a time where the people I'm with enjoy having me and my boyfriend at the same time. People don't really understand. :(

Baby.

Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I do is check my cell to see if you've called or texted. Before I go to bed, I ask God to bless you and wish you goodnight, even if we've been arguing. When you get mad, I force myself to just shut up and say I'm sorry, cos I really do mean it, I'm sorry for getting you upset. When I make you cry, I feel like crying harder, cos I know I've done something really bad, even if it wasn't my fault to begin with - I've done one of the worst things ever, make you cry. :( If only you knew what's going on in my head.

I know you ask very little of me, but when you do, it seems ridiculous. I still do it though. And I know when you read this, you're gna think that ALL my requests are always ridiculous, but that's cos I'm jealous, and I want you for myself. I'm protective and I want nothing but to make you happy - I wna be the only one that makes you happy. It's probably impossible. But I just wna make you happy.

Lately it hasn't seemed like you've been happy. Idk what I'm doing wrong. Maybe it's just me? I'm trying really hard. You don't know this, but sometimes I get really miserable - it's too hard for me to explain in words. I can't bring myself to tell you face to face cos I can't stand to see you choke up and get upset - well, that's if it still matters to you. :( But I guess it's ok being miserable if it's for you. I mean, I know that I sound naive right now, but I you knoww that I know how it's like to have really lost someone - I never wna go through that again. I promised myself that when I found someone that I loved like that again, I wouldn't let him down, I wouldn't screw everything up just cos I think I'm right, I wouldn't waste anymore time. I promised I'd keep him happy, even if it were at the cost of my own happiness. Being with him is about enough for me to survive. I love him - love you.

I really wish you just knew how much I love you. Honestly only God knows how much. He hears my prayers and my thoughts. He listens to my wishes, no matter how ridiculous. And 90% of the time, he knows that I'm not praying and wishing for things for myself, but for my family. You ARE my family, baby. And I hope one day, I'll be part of your family too, atleast.

I love you. I hope one day, you see what you mean to me. I hope that one day I'll mean a fraction of that to you as well. And I'm sorry for being an idiot. I really don't mean to. I love you.

When it's cold.

It's that painful empty feeling in the middle of your chest. You can't make it stop. You can't make it warm. It just gets colder and colder and even harder to breathe. You can't do anything, you just can't. You can't cry, shout let alone speak - nothing.

He thinks that I don't understand. That I always have to be right. He doesn't get that I'm not the one other people are looking at, HE is. He doesn't get that I'm insecure - I'm just being silly. Right? It hurts so bad knowing that he knows there are other options. He doesn't get it. The only time I don't feel lonely is when he's here. But when he makes me feel this way, I feel even lonelier than before.

SHAUN! I'm sorry leh :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know it was on the 1st of November, I'm sorry I didn't know :( See, I gots you a princess cake with a crown :DD HEEE. Love me not? :p

Her naked bottom :D

"Hi, my name is Low Hui Hui. My Ezra jiejie took nakky pictures of me to show when I grow up. I scream like a crazy person when I want my toys. I'm still very bushuk even after I've bombom-ed :DD"